I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
