Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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