the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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