Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
