i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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