Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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