He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
