i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Barsexuality is the new black.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
