Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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