I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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