So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
did i walk over a car last night?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
