i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
