I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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