dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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