Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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