I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
