yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just cut my nipple shaving
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want to make out with him forever
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
