I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
