I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
