I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
