You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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