i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
