I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
