It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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