she woke up with a sticky ear
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
