I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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