Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
