We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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