Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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