Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
