Banned from zoo.
Again?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
