it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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