yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
