I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
