When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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