You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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