you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
