I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
