Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
