Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
