Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
