I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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