I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
