the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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