Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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