People with herpes should wear stickers.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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