What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
