they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Who died my cat blue again?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
