Heybabeimwearingurpanties
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's shark week go big or go home
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
