all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
