he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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