Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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