so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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