So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
