So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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