he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
