We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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