you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
